the nine anthem

I'm not gonna settle

Not gonna do the same old thing

'Til I die

I want to live

Breathe.

For as long as I can, yes.

But really live in the meantime.

"Peace" is alluring

But it's not worth the sacrifice

[But isn't it?]

It's not worth the self-contradiction

Or the self-effacement

Or the self-loathing

But there is a life that's worthy.

Worthy of time.

Of devotion.

Of love.

Of sacrifice--not the sacrifice of the self:

Me--the real me

But of my self-image.

Of the self that is an amalgamation of what Dad was or wasn't or what I should or shouldn't be.

What I have, what I do, what other people say about me

To settle into a lived existence, an experienced existence full of contradiction.